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I DIDN’T EXPECT THIS! – January Vlog

Ohhhh so your doing another Vlog Chyna?

I won’t waffle on too much about why I decided to do this video. I do that enough in the video itself – so make sure you hit play. That will answer any questions as to why here today is another Vlog.

Its often you say you won’t probably do something and the end up doing it. Why? Because what makes you say you wont probably do something, is 8/10 doubt settling comfortably in your mind, covering up hope.

The first Vlog I did opened my eyes. But this time round, this was a learning curve.

First time Vlogging I hated holding the camera in front of me in public. Lets face it, we all use our phones for everything. No one really has a small point and shoot digital camera let alone, pointing it at themselves. So looking back I didn’t really hate holding it facing me. I hated the perception and judgement that came with it.

C’mon people we are in 2017 – this is life. Everyone holding some sort of device up either for their social media or interacting with others. Yet walk past someone who’s doing exactly that and twisted expressions come naturally.

My first vlog looked completely different to this one. Thats because I felt more comfortable filming what was around me to avoid that judgement. So there was minimal shots of me talking to camera and more what was either around me or what I was doing.
This time round however, complete opposite. I was wary I lacked that in my last vlog so I made a conscious effort to pick up the camera and stop being a little wimp. I ended up falling into a pattern of vlogging first thing in the morning, thinking it would kick off a habit to continuously film during my days. Which is did. Kind of backfired aswell.  I would work through my days conscious of needing to film. But because ‘having to talk to camera’ was stuck in my head, if I couldn’t physically talk to the camera. I ended up not filming anything visual I was doing.
It just shows if you commit yourself to do something repetitively, a habit can form quite quickly.

What did this teach me?

For me to be able to walk in public and Vlog quite openly, shows ability to push outside of comfort zones.  As the weeks went on, although it didn’t make the cut all the time, I became more relaxed and comfortable talking to camera – and i’m putting it down to the fact that it now feels normal and has become a habit.

Doing a Vlog has helped boost my confidence in quite a short period of time. I became so engrossed in ‘Chyna you need footage, grab the camera’ mode, I would disregard whats around me. It would shut down the thought of ‘oh I wonder what that stranger i’m probably never going to see again is thinking of me doing this’. Writing that line also makes me realise how ridiculous that is lol.

It made me feel more secure knowing people staring with funny looks is just them not getting it and they don’t need to get it – because I know the end result.

It also focused me on doing what I needed to do, instead of worrying about what others may think. I’m defiantly not 100% there yet. Any person who stares me out down the street whilst I Vlog during these early stages will of course make me feel uneasy – but i’m feeling less anxious about it all and have grown the strength to laugh it off. Anyone who suffers from anxiety will know – thats a big thing. You’ll see that in the Vlog but…its helping a lot.

But hold on…

February’s Vlog will look completely different; I don’t doubt that. I’d hope its because I get the balance right but either way i’m enjoying the experience, its almost like a little diary of my month, which I can recap and smile at.

If theres something your hesitating to do, I urge you to do it. Not full throttle, you will panic and will give up that way, but slowly ease your way in. You’ll be amazed at how small steps can show you great progress.

I didnt expect this! - january vlog

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C x

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